Tuesday, November 14, 2023

- November 14, 2023

I believe that I will be forever single because the odds of me meeting a guy that I am attracted to who is also attracted to me are worse odds than winning the lottery.

I think it could be easier to stay home instead of going places that I am not truly wanted.

AI tries to correct a sentence that it does not understand because it is not capable of understanding complex English sentences.

I miss living in California. I miss having things to go to and being able to watch movies in theatres. I miss living in a city. I miss living in a place with some opportunity.

I hate living in South Carolina. I hate living in a rural, backwards, state. I hate this place. I have nothing to do here...

I am not a member of any church building. I am a member of the Church.

Do not ask me to join your church. I am already a member of the Church.

I'm Autistic. I think that is how to spell it. I am also Genderqueer, Genderfluid, and nonbinary. I'm Queer.

I'm creative.

I'm different. I see things differently.

I can make jokes that people laugh at that I do not laugh at because I know people will laugh at it without finding it funny myself.

I have no hope.

I soak up all of these negative words said about me over the years and I find no reason to attempt anything when there is no chance for someone like me to succeed.

I have no plans today. I hope to do something but I feel overwhelmed by all of the things I should and could do today.

I have no friends. I am alone. I am single and I have always been single.

I do not believe people when they say they will do anything. People often lie to me.

I want a boyfriend. I want more than someone to put my cock inside. I want someone to have conversations with and do creative things with other than sex and someone to share my life with including cuddling and being naked beneath the covers together.

I need a first career. I am able to do something. I have certain things that I am good with. I wish people would stop thinking less of me and trying to make me into their image of me instead of allowing me to be myself.

Chairs arranged,

things changed,

no place for me

so I remain home instead.

The minutes passing,

overwhelmed by the choices

I sit and wait for something

that never happens.

I am alone

dreaming of a life

I could be happy with

when this life always brings me down.