F Jason Whitaker

 Thursday, November 30, 2023 I'm Autistic. I often find myself trying to convince myself to go anywhere. I have to tell myself that I am going somewhere before I will go anywhere. I hate going anywhere, but I also like being somewhere other than my bedroom. I'm Autistic. I hate the feel and texture of cotton balls. The thought of squeezing a cotton ball makes me cringe. I believe. I have Faith. I have questions. I don't have anyone who I believe would answer these questions truthfully. How many shades of blue are there? A long road, dreams dreamt years ago, real or imagined a destination never reached, people met along the way nothing left to say about the things I dreamt as a child. A road to somewhere the end never seen by me, a road dreamt of so many nights as a child, was it ever real? I have not been anywhere today. I am trying to get myself to do something today. Anything. I feel like watching a movie. I feel like going back to bed. I am going to cook dinner.

 Wednesday, November 29, 2023 I had 2 strange dreams. They were vivid dreams. One included winning a desk and being given several bags of candy in addition to the desk. This dream included a part in which I read a plaque on a wall about the closing of a newspaper and how they were being kept viable at the end by a Mexican wrestling comic. I guess it was related to advertising. There was another part of the same dream in which the desk I won was missing, and a boy asked someone about the desk for me. The person they asked referred me to as the boy's father. The other dream was about being in the military. I was in some kind of training and had to choose from several options for what to study. There was more to the dream, but I do not know how to describe it. I'm Autistic. I become overwhelmed by so many options. Whenever I have so many options for what to do with my time I become overwhelmed and tend to get nothing or not as much done. Religion. Religion has been an ob

 Tuesday, November 28, 2023 The next three days are WTF! Growing up I knew that I was different. Different in several ways. One of those was being Queer. Another way is being Genderfluid. I am also Autistic. I see things in a different way. Do not use your religion to destroy but to unite and build up. Imagine if the religious people who claim to want to make the US great did so by making the country into a country based upon the things that they claim to believe but do not practice like providing for the poor and forgiving debt. Penis. Is that the medical term for cock? It sounds weird but most words sound weird if you say them enough times. I have a penis. I have a cock. Which one sounds more romantic? I have been home all day, and I will be home all day tomorrow. I have a webinar tomorrow. I have imagined and thought about the concept of having a boyfriend for so long, but I do not know if it is something that would work for me. I think I am not that great at dealing with chan

 Monday, November 27, 2023 I'm receiving a large amount of emails from companies announcing their Cyber Tuesday sales. I receive too much junk like this in my email.

 Sunday, November 26, 2023 The way the US has designed and built communities based around the car is greed. It was helped by the auto industry and the oil industry who profited from a focus being placed on designing everything with the idea that you have to have a vehicle to live life. The idea is that you have to have a vehicle to get to work and other places you need to go. If public transit were at the center of designing communities they would be liveable. If walking and bike riding were included in these designs people would be healthier. A bike lane is not a line painted on the road but a separate space for bicycle traffic that is protected from vehicles. Stop designing everything based on cars and trucks. There should be health care in this country instead of health insurance. Health care could be provided for everyone with the money given to health insurance companies. Tax money goes to these companies. People pay to have insurance provided by these companies. People

 Saturday, November 25, 2023 I'm Autistic. I knew that I was different before coming to the conclusion that I am Autistic. I thought some of the way I see things was the way everyone saw them. I think my spiritual journey and the journey of discovering my identity in relation to orientation and gender identity overshadowed other things like being Autistic. These things that I have discovered about myself have always been a part of my identity even before I knew about them. I have dreamt about places that I have not been. I have dreamt about people I have never met. In my dreams, there is a world in itself. I look back on memories of dreams and it feels as though I have lived a separate life at night in those dreams. I write about the things I have learned on my spiritual journey. A journey that began with me asking questions. I asked myself questions about what I believed. Am I a Preacher? It's possible that I do preach on here but I will not give myself titles.

 Friday, November 24, 2023 I would like to live where there is a community and things to do. I hate living in a rural state in the middle of nowhere with nothing to do. The day after Thanksgiving. Religion does not make you better than anyone else. Do you ever wake up from a dream and wake up mid-conversation from that dream? I was considering going somewhere today but I decided to go tomorrow. I feel tired. I hope to go to a few places tomorrow. Sitting by the fountain counting silver on the bottom, wishing my flip-flop days would be longer than my heavy coat nights, wishing for brighter days on stormy nights, lights bright on Christmas day wishing I had one gift to open someday.  ⁠https://www.patreon.com/jason29171⁠ Poems and Photography: https://a.co/d/bFYc1kO Words, Floating: Poetry And Photography: https://a.co/d/5htw2lz https://jason29171.substack.com/ ⁠http://Fjasonwhitakerwriter.com ⁠ ⁠https://medium.com/@jason29171⁠ ⁠https://www.wattpad.com/user/FJasonWhitaker⁠ ⁠http