Saturday, November 25, 2023

- November 25, 2023

I'm Autistic. I knew that I was different before coming to the conclusion that I am Autistic. I thought some of the way I see things was the way everyone saw them. I think my spiritual journey and the journey of discovering my identity in relation to orientation and gender identity overshadowed other things like being Autistic.

These things that I have discovered about myself have always been a part of my identity even before I knew about them.

I have dreamt about places that I have not been. I have dreamt about people I have never met. In my dreams, there is a world in itself. I look back on memories of dreams and it feels as though I have lived a separate life at night in those dreams.

I write about the things I have learned on my spiritual journey. A journey that began with me asking questions. I asked myself questions about what I believed.

Am I a Preacher? It's possible that I do preach on here but I will not give myself titles.

I tell people about who I am and the things that make up who I am but I do not give myself titles.

I'm Autistic. I have a collection of Funko Pops. I bought them when I had a gig for a social media company. I bought them because I was going through a deep depression and I needed something to bring me out of that depression and buying these figures helped.

I love receiving packages. There's a double meaning to that.

I love having packages show up. I love opening packages even when I already know what is in that package.

I found out that collecting this like I have all of my life is one of many traits that Autistic people share. I'm not saying every Autistic person has all of the traits.

I collect things.

I also organize things in piles. I place things into piles thinking I will remember which pile I have stacked something when I need to find it again.

The problem is that when I do not see something I forget it.

I find things while looking for other things.

I find something while looking for something else and I look at that item like I am seeing it for the first time.

I hear the wind blowing, traffic flowing, I'm wondering where everyone is going, as I sit in my room watching TikTok videos like there's nothing else to do.

Today is beginning, I am plotting a course in my head, planning the day ahead as the seconds are passing leaving me with less time to get things done than when I first started dreaming about my day ahead.

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Words, Floating: Poetry And Photography:

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