Sunday, November 19, 2023

- November 19, 2023

I have always had a vivid imagination. This imagination kept me alive during the most depressing years of my life.

I had dreams of a better life. These dreams of something better kept me going.

I need to find a way to make some of those dreams come true...

I have had the idea for a small business for a few years. I have mentioned it before and I will continue to mention it because it is something I am passionate about but I have no idea how to take it from the idea stage to being an actual thing.

Video Production and Photography studio with space for sound recording.

Space for photography and video shoots including interviews and cooking.

I have imagined this concept for years. There is more to my idea than what I have mentioned above but the idea is to have an all-around creative service.

I grew up with the impression that if bad things happened to you it was because of something you did. I was taught this way of thinking by religious people who wanted to further their own agenda instead of preaching the Truth.

I'm Autistic. I am creative. I am Queer. I am these things and more.

When I accepted the fact that I am Autistic it made things from my entire life make sense.

I would have meltdowns and I would go nonverbal.

There are other things that finally clicked with me. Things came into focus.

I understood part of the reason that I was always different and had trouble with certain things and why I am who I am.

It's funny how people think because you have a new label that you were not that label your entire life. I have always been Autistic, Queer, and creative.

I went to the church group this morning. They had some food afterward.

I am not going anywhere else today.

I feel tired. It took forever to get to sleep last night and this morning I kept waking up.

I often wonder if I will ever have a first boyfriend and a first career. I wonder if I will ever have a life.

I do not know what I will do tomorrow. I need to go back to Food Lion because I was charged one extra time for an item I bought there Friday.

I have a rash on my arms. My right arm is worse than my left arm. I have no idea what to do about it.

A movie I ordered, Turbo Cola, arrived from Amazon today. I saw a video on TikTok about the movie and I like to support other indie filmmakers when I can. I used a part of my gift card balance to purchase it. I posted images of it on my TikTok. I'm looking forward to seeing the movie. I hope it will be better than the Don't Destroy movie I watched recently.

I feel the emotion, I feel a sadness within me.

These days are difficult, alone hearing about so much suffering.

I feel the pain of others. I feel so many emotions.

I've been masking so many years now that I am unmasking I am overwhelmed by everything I am learning about myself that I have hidden for so long...

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Words, Floating: Poetry And Photography:

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