Friday, December 29, 2023

- December 29, 2023

I think back to the times I allowed older men to suck my cock. I met them, most of them, online. I would sit on a chair or couch, a couple times a bed. I would close my eyes. I imagined being with guys my age. I imagined being somewhere else with someone else. It felt good in general. I never liked the feeling afterward. An empty feeling. I wanted something more than an older man sucking my dick. I wanted a relationship with someone I could fall in love with...

There were a couple of times in which I was the bottom. They were very cute. I think they were two different guys. I cannot remember what they looked like. I remember that I was very attracted to them.

I like them being inside of me. Those were the only times I wanted their cock inside of me. The other guys I just wanted to get it over with. A couple of those guys were older men.

One time I wrapped my legs around the waist of one of the two. I pulled myself into him. I needed him to be deeper inside of me.

There have been a few guys that I would have wanted as my boyfriend.

I think back to when did not know the Truth and I went to the church buildings each week thinking I would find all of the answers within those walls of brick. I was naive to believe their lies and allow their agendas to make me feel like I was less of a person because of who I am...

Imagine that as a tattoo. Sans the Joke.

In the evening he rode as the mountains parted before him and the valley opened between the fertile lands. He was stiff from the journey. He was ready to collapse. He was eager to complete the task at hand.

I feel tired and horny. I was up early this morning because I went after the free produce. I received 6 bottles and Gatorade, some walnuts and pecans, and a mug with several packets of hot chocolate.

I plan to go to a few places today. I plan to leave after I finish my blogs.

I feel horny. I feel like having a boyfriend. I have not been with a guy in so long and even longer since I have been with a guy who I was very attracted to.

I remember times before. One guy I met one night. He was cute. We talked some. I don't recall exactly what we talked about. We kissed. I sucked his dick. I laid on top of him on my bed afterward until he had to leave. I wanted to see him again but I never did.

I think there were two other guys I met but I do not remember the faces of any of these guys. One night I met the guy and we were on my bed. My legs were wrapped around him. His cock inside of me. I pulled myself onto him. I needed him to be deeper inside of me.

I look back and I recall the few guys that I have met whom I was attracted to and I wish there could have been more than one time experiences. I wish that one of them would have been my boyfriend.

I want a boyfriend but I have no interest in rushing into a relationship to have a relationship. I have to be attracted to him. For me to know whether or not I am attracted to him we have to spend time together. I need to get to know them. I think I would need to see his penis in person. Nothing sexual. I need to know what it looks like because I need to want to be with him including having sex with him in the future.

I need a home. I need that space to live and a space to create content.

I am going soon. I don't know how long I will be gone today. I plan to go somewhere tomorrow and Sunday as well.