F Jason Whitaker

I am considering, again, producing a web series here. I have had a few people respond to my requests for people interested in becoming actors. I am not certain if I will or not. I will need to write something based upon the people I have available and locations near me. Stay tuned...

Sunday. I shall continue organizing my belongings. I do not know what will happen this year but I hope to be ready. Sometimes it's better to have life contain both things planned and things unplanned to occur. Live each day, willing to allow life to bring you unexpected things, planning things you desire but willing to allow things to change, and maybe life will be full of amazing things because you planned for greatness yet are willing to go with the flow.

My plan, after submitting to the writing program Tuesday, is to write more. I have updated Final Draft and now I have it on my MacBook Pro. I also plan to read more and do some photography. I am not sure about video. I might do a vlog but I am not certain what it will be about. I might wait to see about the writing program before moving or deciding to move. I have considered where I would like to move.  Options: Ventura, CA. It is a great place to live. Small town in some ways, city in other ways. More of a city than anything in South Carolina. North Hollywood, CA. There's an art's district. It's location is somewhat central to so many areas. The Red Line. The Orange Line. Palm Springs, CA. A friend from school is setting up a small production house here and I want to help and she has expressed a desire to have me involved. So, there are other options but these are the main ones I am considering. I do not know when and if I will actually move but I do not beleive remaining ...

Time to get productive, more productive, and not waste another minute. I will write, do some photography, maybe some video, read, watch film and TV, submit to job openings, and keep moving forward despite the obstacles. I am in the middle of writing a spec for a writing program, reading a few books, and sorting my belongings. I have made some changes recently which will give me more time to be productive.

Today. What will I do? Shall I be productive? I need to decided what to do now while waiting. I am waiting to see what happens between now and when I have the funds that I will have soon.

Today I am hopeful. This year might be the year for great things to occur in my life. I also know that the opposite may also be true as well, but I have faith that I will be able to keep going forward. I have no idea what to do except keep doing all that I am able to do with the resources that I currently have.

The passing of time. Change. Renewal. Sometimes I think about the places that I have been, places I have lived, and people I have met.  I am considering what to do with money that I have recently won. I have so much to consider. I am hopeful that I will make the right decisions.

It would be nice to have a production company but I do not see that happening here. I have had a few people express interest in being actors in my web series but I am uncertain if I can produce a well developed web series considering the juggling of schedules. I need to decide what to do now. Do I try to pull something together with the people I have available or give up for now?

I was planning to produce a web series here, but that does not seem possible, and I need to reconsider what I am doing.  My focus needs to be place upon what I really want to do in life. No more wasting time.

This year might be the turning point in my life. I have hope that I will make the right decisions and I have hope that things will improve. I need to rethink my options. I know that so much will depend up the choices I make. 

I soon will have money. What shall I do? What shall I do, indeed?

I am not "religious", though I am religious. I mean I have faith in God and I believe certain things but I do not myself religious the way some are religious. I have spent a few years questioning what I believe, coming to conclusions but not answers to all questions, and I have found that what I believe is not based upon one "denomination" or sect of Christianity but Christianity itself. I have faith but, at times like these, I wonder how things will work out, and I wonder what to do in these times.  I am stuck here. Where is here? A place of time passing, a place far from cities and civilization, a place removed from modern times. This place is not for me but I do not have the resources to move anywhere. I have had crowdfunding campaigns in hopes of raising the funds to move to a city and or travel the country in a tiny house but no one is willing to help me. From now on I am not donating my time and efforts to any organization in the form of photography or video p...

I need to set myself a schedule and try to keep to it. I need to get more done. I have not been writing as much as I had hoped. I need to do more video and photography. I need more video that I can edit and practice editing, but that takes so much time. I hope to read more. I want to keep creating songs. So much to do.

Tomorrow I am going to a movie. I have not decided which movie to see yet. Today I have the book group meeting at the library and I need to have the form from the sweepstakes I won notarized. It's strange, life. I have faith. I have hope. I still have doubt and fears but I shall keep going forward not knowing what the outcome will be...

F. Jason Whitaker

song 5 - 2:13:17, 8.31 PM

song3 - 2:12:17, 9.22 PM

song2 - 2:12:17, 1.38 PM

song1 - 2:11:17, 9.09 PM

song 4 - 2:12:17, 11.23 PM

I have begun to create songs in Garage Band. My songs are available for sale on my web site. I need to make some decisions soon. Producing a web series here may not be a viable option. I have found less than five people interested in acting and no one to act as crew. Being so far from a city does not help.

I have won. I won a prize from Wix.com. More details to come. I have been blessed. I have won more than a few times, different sweepstakes and instant win games, and a few of them have been larger prizes.  I enter sweepstakes and play instant win games daily. If you want to win you have to enter. Enter often. I have found that if you have dreams or goals that you have to go after them on your own because no one is there to help you. I am alone in my struggles, no one of this Earth is with me, and I have faith in that which leads and guides me that is with me. I have hope. I have faith. What else do i need?

The silence of night is not a thing, sounds abound when the sun goes down (though the sun does not actually go down). Time lost to dreams (time cannot be lost nor can it be gained, time is relative). I wander between rows of giants. I wander without much thought for tomorrow or today. The past is where my mind goes. My body leading so slow and sure. My heart races, pounding within my chest, and I wander through a savage land to find the portal to time itself.  

Stay the course. Eyes forward. Goals (dreams), sometimes, take time to achieve. Time spent not knowing whether or not you will ever achieve those goals, days and nights wondering, nights and days planning, time spent focused, time spent working towards goals, and during these times you imagine yourself after these things are achieved. I have goals (dreams) and I wonder if I will ever achieve them. 

I love tiny houses. Not sheds that people refer to as tiny homes, but actual tiny homes. I love the mobility of a THOW. I have watched shows on television with tiny homes and I have imagined living in one. I have a plan. I want to travel the country in a THOW. I would stay at RV parks, etc.  I miss living in California. I miss the times I had a car. I miss having public transit. I miss working. I miss living in or near a city. I miss going to events. I miss going to movies. Coming here was not so much a choice as it was the only option at the time. Being here has been hard, except for the fact that I am spending more time with my mom. When I was in California I would call here every day but it's not the same as seeing her in person.

I am not sure what I will do. I mean I know things that I will not do. I am not going to give up. I am not going to give in. There is no reason to not believe that I can achieve these dreams, no matter how long it will take, and I will not allow my doubt to stop me. I do not know how I will be able to do it on my own, I have no one to help me at the moment, but I will keep moving forward. I have decided to stop doing what I have been doing, stuck in a routine, and I will not give up no matter what. I have had almost no response to my posts looking for actors. I knew that it would be impossible to find actors in a place like the one I currently live. There are no actors in my area. I don't know if I would truly call myself an actor, though I have done some acting, because it's not something I put any effort into doing anymore, mostly because there is not a need for actors in my area.  When I lived in Los Angeles I submitted to auditions and went to auditions, but that's diff...

I was planning to go to the library, I had reserved a study room and posted notices looking for actors, but decided to cancel those plans because I do not think anyone would show up. I have realized that there are no other actors in my area, nor are there other people with experience in filmmaking. I may need to return to California. I need to focus on getting things done, things that will move my life forward, and not things that do not contribute to my future.

I am currently reading 3 books (fiction) and I have a stack of books to refresh myself in the area of video production for upcoming projects. I usually do not read more than one book at a time but I thought I would give it a try and I am finding that I like reading so many at one time. I am no longer attending a church, so I will have more time to focus on video projects and other things in hopes of improving my life. I found that I need to focus on some things and some things were a distraction.

I will be at the Cayce - West Columbia library Tuesday. I hope that people will show up, interested in acting in my web series, and I hope that I will be able to come up with something great. My plan is to write a web series based upon the people I find and the locations I have access to, with hope that this will work, but I need help with my plans. I need actors, crew, donations for craft services, however you can help... I hope to edit and post more vlogs today if possible, which means if I feel up to editing and posting vlogs, and shoot more video this week.

I know that it is late in the day to still not know what I want to do today. I could go out and get some stuff done but it's not as warm as it has been so I do not want to go anywhere. I do not know what to do. I do not have the money to go back to school and I am unable to find work. Not that I am not applying to jobs that I am qualified for, I am as often as I find them, but no one is willing to hire me. I wonder about the reasons they choose to hire someone other than me.  I need to raise money for a tiny home and a truck so that I can travel to where there is work for me. I am in a rural area so there are almost never any jobs for me located near me. I hope to begin producing  a web series, here locally, next month.

I went out yesterday and was able to video (film) some footage for vlogs, but not as much as I had planned. I plan to edit the footage today and schedule them for Youtube. I am considering when I will go out again and shoot more video. It will not be today. Maybe Saturday. I am going to begin reading more often and writing more often. I have a stack of books from the library, including several book group books, and I will be reading them everyday. I will also begin writing more. I am working on a story about a boy attending his grandfather's funeral. It will deal with discovering things about his grandfather's life. My hope is that I will have so much to do and so much to look forward to that I will be lifted from my depression. I have faith that I can be brought through these times of doubt.

I have reserved the study room at the library, posted notices for actors, now I will wait and see if I receive a response. Not sure what I will do if no one responds. I know that I live in an area where finding actors is impossible, but I still have hope. It will be a challenge in general. Everything will take effort and imagination. I will need to cast actors, write a series of short episodes based upon the actors I find, find locations, I forgot to mention that I will also have to write the series based upon the locations available, and I will have to edit the episodes and market the series. There is no pay for anyone, but my hope that this will be fun and rewarding for everyone involved.

Sometimes I do not want to do anything. Sometimes I have ideas for things to do but the fear of failure overwhelms me. Obstacles to overcome. My hope is that faith will bring me through these things so that I may achieve dreams and do something with my life. I believe in prayer, and if you do as well, please pray for me daily because I need it.  I am wondering if I should add new writing to my writing web site since no one ever views the site. Maybe I will take a break from posting there to focus on other things.