Sunday, September 24, 2023

- September 24, 2023

Sunday, September 24, 2023

I met a guy named Peter. I do not recall how I met him. During the time that I knew him we met at various places. I shared my poetry with him. I wrote poems about him. I liked him. We were not boyfriends. It is possible that he considered us boyfriends but I do not believe he did. We kissed. I played with his chest. I never touched his cock. We never had sex. My time with him was some of the most intimate of experiences I have ever had including the times I had sex with random guys. I wanted to be more than whatever we were but Peter was a dancer and he was afraid of being out. He was afraid that having a boyfriend would end his dancing career.

I do not remember why I stopped seeing him. I think about him often.

I had a dark and strange period in my life. I moved in with an older man because I thought that I had nowhere else to go. He wanted more than friendship after I was there for a few days. I gave in and allowed him to suck my cock twice. Both times he threw up on me. It was disgusting. He constantly watched me including when I took a shower. I once woke up on the couch, the couch where I slept, to find his face an inch from mine. He would put me down and tell me that God had sent me to him and that no one else would have me. He also said that I had sex with everyone else, so why not him?

I was able to get away from him but it meant leaving all of my possessions behind. Things I will never be able to replace.

I have been used and abused all of my life. I will not allow it again.

People use the Bible and God to support their agendas. The old man who told me that God had sent me to him wanted sex. He wanted to have sex with me, so he told me that God had sent me to him.

I am trying to be funny again. It is not easy for me to be funny when I sit down and write wanting to be funny...

I thought it was going to rain today. I stayed home and it has yet to rain.

I woke up late this morning.

I applied to one job opening today.

I have no idea what else I will do today.