Friday, September 15, 2023

- September 15, 2023

I have imagined a version of my life in which I was never ashamed of who I am, a version in which I was able to grow into my true self instead of hiding behind a mask. I imagine having a boyfriend in school. I imagine going on dates and going to school dances and other functions together. I imagine pursuing my passion for filmmaking and photography and writing and acting instead of waiting until after school to actively pursue these dreams. I imagine being encouraged and having the resources to achieve my dreams. I imagine attending a college with dorms and activities graduating and finding a first career. I imagine having friends and dating. I imagine having a boyfriend that would propose to me. I could imagine a wedding and moving into our first home together. I could imagine a life of hope and a life of possibilities.

I remember a time when I was with a guy in my bedroom. I was on the bottom. My legs were wrapped around his waste. His cock was inside of me. I pulled myself onto him. I pulled his body closer to mine. I craved his cock to be deeper inside of me. I wanted him. I need a boyfriend that I feel this way about. I need a boyfriend that I need.

I do not know if I am religious. What does that truly mean? What does that look like in your daily life?

Ignorant people will assume that I am not Christian because I am queer. Being queer has nothing to do with whether or not I am a Christian. I am not protestant or any of the other denominations like catholicism. I think that is the right word for catholics.

What do you think when you see an object shaped like a cock, a penis, a dick?

I plan to go to a few places today. I do not know all of the places I will go and I will not know until I go to those places. I plan to ride my bike and go to places with no goals in mind.

I will come home and figure out what to do the rest of the day...

I woke to rain singing on the roof

Proof of a new day

Coming through my window,

Sleep remains

At the corner of my eyes

Dreams linger in my mind.

Dreams slowly fading

With each...

The night, like canvas, painted with stars. Below I dream, now awake I recall these wondrous things like footnotes, which come with...