Cloudy Days to Remember….

POETRY

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Where is that time,
that memory of
a place so long away,
I wish it could be
more than fragments of detail...
I was so young
that place I lost my innocence
I want to go back
just to see why it went
the way it did
and how I really felt
about doing the things I did...
Not regret
but a wonder of why
so young
did it happen to me...
8 or 9 I was
he was older
as I recall,
maybe it shouldn't have been
but it was no denying
this truth...
I am older now
maybe wiser in some ways
but I'll never understand
what happened to me
way back then
way back when
my childish days
ended in such a way

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My hands in my pockets
searching for the keys
to a door I have never seen
waiting for you to reply to me...
you see so much
but you never look again
what a mess my life has become
you just move on
to leave me alone...
I see many people
they never see me
but I don't care
for the fame
just the freedom to be
more than I ever can
as I am now...

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Lines under my eyes
trying to stay awake
but I don't know why
there's no reason for me
to care for you or anyone...
I want the truth
but these lies come so easily
I want a life of love
but it never comes so easily
waking up from a dream
frightened me so I couldn't sleep
said your name out loud
just to hear myself speak
waiting for the sun to rise
I see you in the shadows
of my daily times
you watching me
though you never know
I know you think of me
when the lights dim low...
Sweat on my brow
can't find a how
to a way to make you mine
all I know is I've got the time
just make up your mind
you don't have to wake me
when I cannot sleep...

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I keep waiting for you
the one true love
to appear in my life
but I am still alone
and you are still not here...
Since I can recall
I have desired for someone
to fill a void that a guy can only fill...
I need to be held
I need to be touched
I need so much
and you're the one that
can give me all of this...

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I knew you then
those years ago
and now time has left us
distant and alone,
where has the time gone
we were once friends
and so much more
we shared so much
those times in your bed
you're still in my head
in my heart until the day I depart...
I loved you so
maybe I still do
though I know
we'll never be us again...
I sleep at night
I dream of those days
moments of love and lust
where do they merge...
Where have you gone,
I've been looking for you
but at times I think
I'll never see you again...
I miss those times
not all but some
like when in your bed
kissing you or just being next to you
your lips your chest
as we'd rest
so close together
while time
went on
and now here we are
alone and distant
why did it have to be that way?

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Waiting
watching
time keeps passing...
Wanting more
getting whatever you can
from a system
that wants to bring you down...
So you're different,
who isn't,
they want you to be someone
you can never be...
So a boy likes a boy
or a girl likes a girl
why should love
be so narrow
to exclude...
Love comes as it does
in what form
is not for us or anyone to say...

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They strike again and again
they keep giving us lies
but the truth is so clear,
they kill and kill
women and children
and we never ask why...
Is this over someone they want returned
or is that an excuse to kill...
Our government is fond of killers
throughout the ages we have turned our backs
to the true suffering
or even help in the destruction
of people when
we're after something they have got...
this government is full of lies
full of those that murder women and children
they need to be stopped,
but who will stop those in power?

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I see the differences
between you and I
and I wonder why
there's so much
no time to wait
change must be
like a new beginning
to rise from these ashes...
I declare my freedom
from those that'd keep me
in this isolation with my voice silent
they fear our differences coming together
they fear our unity becasue divided they rule us...
Where do we sit,
in the past we can look
for a motivation
to end this violence
for a greater peace...
Love is the answer
don't be confused
love is all you need
don't be amused
by the games they play
the lies they keep producing...
Why is it wrong to love
why do they care so much
who we marry?
Are they jealous of
a love some of us have?
So what if it's with the same sex,
should that matter
don't you have your own life to live
instead of controlling the lives of others...
Are you so ignorant
so messed up
that to ruin our lives
with your hate
is all that you have
to cling to....
End this hate
you the ignorant...

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Who am I?
Who have I become?
looking back,
days of youth
they're gone
but I still remember
how I felt those times
when I was so much thinner...
I was so skinny
not that I am fat now
just not as slim as then...

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Today I sit alone
wondering where they have gone
watching and waiting not knowing....
Been single for so long
is it me or am I wrong
why am I still alone...
Woke up from a dream
made me want to scream
made me want to cry
just to keep asking why...
Never had a boyfriend
not in the sense
of someone I've really met
when the long distance
isn't real enough for me
can't you see I need you
I don't need to be alone...

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I walk through so many doors
hoping the next one
will be the right one,
but each door keeps leading
me to the same thing...
a conclusion that I have long found
that fame and glory will come my way
but in a distant time so I wait for that day
waiting for when I will be recognized
for the gifts and talents I have to offer...
I am not religious cause religions
are about bragging rights
and I know I don't need to brag...
What I've got is the real thing
no imitation...

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Dust gathers on the shelves
the lawn hides the steps to the porch
the windows are boarded
and this house keeps on dancing
each wind you'd think it come crashing
but it keeps on lasting...
A room is where we'll be
getting naked and making
this house dance with our rhythm...
We go at it like rabbits
he keeps me wanting more
just because he needs all he can get...
no complaints from me
as we're romancing
making the neighbors question
are they gay or is it a new religion
we keep practicing this
until we are like one
a body moving as one
deep inside him
his back is sweating
but I love it
this closeness makes me want him
I press myself against him
he says it feels good
so I thrust and he squeezes...
Do we need practice,
no we don't,
but we keep up the practice
because we can
and it's fun...

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I hear the beat
music loud
this scene is me
and I want to live out loud...
Hot guys
as far as I can see
they keep me moving
to the rhythm
they keep me dancing
and grinding
all night long...
do you hear me now,
will I go home with you
how will the night go
are you a bottom
'cause I'm a top
what are your sizes
and will it fit in my mouth...
Do I tease
when I touch you there
on the dance floor...
the time is right
and we just might
forget our worries
for a hot night
like this...

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Those dreams keep me here
hoping that you'll change
wanting you to come back
so we can be us once again...
I watched you walk away
didn't know what to say
is it over or is there still hope,
what boys dream of for so long
is what fills me now with a longing
I need you next to me right now
our bodies pressed together now
my arms wrapped tightly around
feeling of every inch of you now...
I need you more than you'll ever know
your body makes me want to know you
in ways that no one else knows you...
You tempt me with your walk
this view from behind makes me want
you on top of me as I become a part of you...
Dreams are what I have; a fantasy won't part
when I know soon it'll be more than me dreaming of paradise...

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Those dreams keep me here
hoping that you'll change
wanting you to come back
so we can be us once again...
I watched you walk away
didn't know what to say
is it over or is there still hope,
what boys dream of for so long
is what fills me now with a longing
I need you next to me right now
our bodies pressed together now
my arms wrapped tightly around
feeling of every inch of you now...
I need you more than you'll ever know
your body makes me want to know you
in ways that no one else knows you...
You tempt me with your walk
this view from behind makes me want
you on top of me as I become a part of you...
Dreams are what I have; a fantasy won't part
when I know soon it'll be more than me dreaming of paradise...

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I walk through the door
waiting for the score,
what game are you playing now
can we ever be more than just friends...
Maybe we'll just hook up
always time for sex
with a hot guy like you...
I thought to day
of my life and I started to say
that it's not what I thought it'd be
but it's not that bad...
Maybe being gay
makes it tough
haters so ignorant
they're just jealous
and know that they
want guys as bad as I...
Why do I try so hard
to find the right guy
when I have so much more
important matters to think about....

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Walking through the snow
to reach another show
while this girl she waits for me
she'll soon be here with me
her on her knees
doing what she's
always wanted to do to me...
I have waited so long
hard and so annoyed
watching the telephone
but no one ever calls
and I know why...
So what if I am gay
I like to suck dick
I am who I am so
if you don't like me
go somewhere else
when you need head
cause I need more
than just sex
though I wish I had some now...
Wait did I just write
what I wrote
can I be so up front
so honest with you...
I feel so alone
I need a guy
to hold me in his arms
maybe we'd be naked
but that would just add
to the mood...
I have been this way since
I was eight or nine so don't
tell me that it's just a phase
or a choice I made because
you're just jealous of what I've got
a nice dick
and guys
wanting to be with me...
I hate these lines
why do they think I'm so hot
when I am not....
So horny now
if only a guy would
find his way to my bed now...

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I see no way out
no reason to go back
to the way I was
no excuses not to be
the person I was always
meant to be...
I saw you there
looking at me
I wish you were
that kind of guy
we could have so much fun
you and I in so many ways
you just don't realize
you need a guy
to fill the void
in your life...
I fell on the way down
saw to my surprise
the fall was not that bad
just the regret for not
doing more to be with you...
Just another crush
I confess
it won't be the last
so I will survive...
I watch them
from their heads to their ummm...
I would do so much for them
if only they'd ask me too
no qualms about going down
on a straight guy
as long as that's all it is
I can do that....
My hormones rush
why can't I think about
anything except sucking a dick....

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A song plays on the radio
but all I hear is your voice
calling me back again...
you remind me of what should have been
how I wish my life could have went
but those days are gone
time to move on
and hope things will only get better from here...

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Days spent wishing it could be better
sweat dripping as the weather reminds us
how it is to be us,
stuck in these places
praying for days
days when we're living better...
maybe being rich
is not the solution
but when you're us
you don't know
the difference...
We live each day,
no matter what they say
hopeful that someday soon
we'll meet that right person
to complete our lives
but until then
all we have are our dreams...
We search the heavens
at night
so many stars to wish upon
so many dreams filling us
with hope when our lives are filled
with so much despair...
I sit hopeful
that I am not yet forgotten
that there's someone out there
to fill that void
are you there?
Do you hear me?
Am I the one you desire?
Maybe you'll be the one
to take me from this misery...
I am not perfect...
I am not ignorant...
so maybe things don't work out
the way they should...
and if you are there
young and thinking you're alone
you're not
you're not the only one...

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What if I really cared
would you really know,
I don't so why don't you go
and leave me alone....
To anyone that hates
what makes you so special
that you can say anything
are you better than anyone
is that what you think?
I sit here alone
not really sad
I don't always mind
being alone
I just hate it when
it's all about sex,
even if my hormones rage
I still want friends who are that
just friends...
Maybe I am dreaming
'cause these words
there what I am really feeling
no lie to ease the pain
of this solitude
no reason to go on
but the things that drive me
and sex is not one of these
so get it out of your mind
that what I am about
happens in a bed
because you don't know me
no one really knows me
but that's ok
I still love you all anyway...

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The clock keeps reminding me,
time passing keeps me awake,
these dreams won't leave me
I have a reason for being
that keeps me moving on
though these times are confusing...
I walk through this room
you watch me go through
and you never say a word
though you like me as more
than a friend...
If you really like me
let me know
so I can be filled with joy
for this love
is what I need the most...

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I saw you standing,
it was then I knew
I wanted your body,
you smiled but you don't know who I am...
I watched you walk,
every step you took
every step away from me
but I never gave up hope
that you'd be mine one day...

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One day I dreamt
of so much ahead,
hope for a coming hour
hope for a future unknown...
That was so long ago
time has gone
and now I wonder when
those dreams will be more
than hope for that I cannot see...

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Mile after mile
roads that go nowhere
and here I am alone again
wishing I could apologize
for the way I've been...
The sun at my back
a new tomorrow ahead
just one thing on my mind
and that's when
you'll come back to me...
Wishing on a star
so many in the sky,
wishing I had more time
to tell you how
much you mean to me....

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We were friends,
where have you gone,
I miss you so....
I wonder sometimes
if things would have been different
if you lived down the block
but you don't
and I haven't heard from you
in so long...
I miss you,
your voice
us chatting
and the hope that we'd be more than friends
that we'd meet one day....

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I say good-bye to those I knew
wondering what now that I'm alone,
where do I go from here
leaving the certain behind
for so many dreams ahead...
Waves crash against the rocks
is that my body being crushed
or is it the weight of the world
lifted from my head
being tossed by the sea...
What can I do
with something so uncertain
when I need a foundation
a rock to build my life upon...
I know I have him that saves
but these doubts
they don't fade
and when Love is all you need
the more you get
the stronger you will be...
What do I say
where do I go from here
is it too late
to tell you that I love you
and that I need you...
How can I let go
it's so hard to be me
when I need you so...
what has become of me alone
when the world has come
to be such a large place
me surrounded by the unknown
holding onto all this that I know...
Where do we go
when these waves keep coming
and this hope seems so distant
promises kept this I know
but when you doubt
it's a showing of love you need the most....

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You think I'm lovely
but I don't think the same,
my looks are not that great
and I am just trying to be myself...
I look out these windows now
to find a place in this hectic world,
a place to be and not just to be alone
but a place to be with the person I love...

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I walk these streets,
just about every night
waiting for you to return...
you sing to me
a song that makes me
want to make love to you
your voice is so sweet
it makes me crave you ever more...
my blood rushes
my mind fills
with the things we could do
if only you'd come back again...
waiting is such a pain
my every longs for all of you
so many inches to devour
I cannot hold out long
for a taste of you...
These hours are passing now
is it now
that you'll come back to me
naked in my arms
so we can make my bed
ours with this love
I have to share....

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I watch the crowds
gathering around her,
she looks my way
comes to me just to say
she has a thing for me...
We walk to her car
she leads me where
I need to be
a place I wish
I could always be...
she lets me know her more
than anyone has ever known her before,
she knows how to make me feel
when I all I need to feel is her...

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

I am waiting for you
to come around,
no talking about
the way things were
it's time to get things on
let's get this started now
no waiting around
for something else...
What do you see in me
I know what I see in you,
you have revealed so much
yet there's so much more I need
what you keep from me
is what I need the most....

♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣♣

Waiting for the ending
of a movie that never ends,
in a line that goes forever
and when you get there
there's nothing but another line...
Where do you go
when it hurts,
the pain subsides
only for the shortest times,
days go by and you feel so alone
wait that's me
and I feel so alone
I need someone to come and save me
from my everyday
and be my hero
save me from all of my misery...
I take the shuttle
listen to the Gorillaz
watch Desperate Housewives
wanting so much more from life
when all I get is so much stress
bring me down
can you come and take me from this life I'm living
and make a new life for me...