Friday July 17, 2020

- July 17, 2020

Friday.

I woke up late because I went to bed late last night. I am trying to figure out what to do today. I want to do nothing but. at the same time, I have so much I want to get done.

I hope that, being this low, that the only way for me to go is up from here.

I have no idea what i am going to do but I attempting to find help. I thin I will lay in bed and read some, maybe.

I was thinking about writing but my head hurts.

I always thought that if I prayed and believed that things would somehow work out but now I think you cannot always do things on our own or wait for things to happen.

I find it difficult to trust anyone. I find myself holding back tears because I know crying alone will not change anything. I know that it will be nearly impossible for me to have a boyfriend. I like the idea of having one, a first boyfriend, but I do not see that happening. I do not want to be single for the rest of my life. I could not imagine, when I am older, being alone but it seems mor more likely that I will be middle aged and single.

I have no close friends. I am unable to truly become that close to anyone. I might be closer to some people but I am not as close to anyone as I could be.

I'm tired. I have a hard time getting to sleep most nights and I find reasons not to go to bed. I feel and look tired all the time.

nap time.

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