F Jason Whitaker

I've been in the mood waiting, No one is dating me, I've been single all of my life. The hours of longing, It swells with every motivation. I'm waiting for love But love doesn't appear To be in my future. I'm with myself Until you come along And be the one Who can please me 

  Monday, March 31, 2025 https://fjasonwhitakerwriter.blogspot.com/ https://fjasonwhitaker.blogspot.com/ I've posted poems on the blogs above. Please consider sharing my blogs.  I'm not going anywhere today or tomorrow. I have plans for Wednesday.  I don't know what I'm doing today and tomorrow. I ordered 2 bedspreads and a sheet set from Ikea....

  Sunday, March 30, 2025 I stayed home today because the forecast called for thunderstorms and  because I was so tired from yesterday. I've written more poems today. I'm planning to make a zine with short stories and poetry. I'm considering a monthly zine. I'm not planning to go anywhere tomorrow due to possible thunderstorms. I do have plans for the rest of this week. I'm hopeful that I'll have a boyfriend soon. I made a new friend yesterday. I'm cooking at the moment. I'm still uncertain about everything...

I've got no place to go, Someday soon I'll know A boy to make a home with  But for now I'll here by myself.

Wake up with me, We won't get much sleep. I'll lay beneath you, Your body against mine. I'll be yours for as long As you stay. You can remain inside, Filling me with your love, You can hold me close Through the long night.

Giant tree falls beneath. A strong breeze blowing through, Strength doesn't mean There's not something stronger Than you.

I've never found the boy of my dreams. I wonder if he's real  The boys never love me  I'm just another lonely lover Writing poetry about Something I've not yet found. Silence the negative things, Find me where I am, I'm ready to be yours. Come and find me. I'm waiting for you to be My future love...

The lights in the night, Stars above me Tiny dots dancing  Across the vast sky. I'm here wondering How things will go From here to where I shall be someday.

Possible storms As clouds gather, No plans for today or tomorrow. I follow you But you don't know me  I've been inspired by your songs But you'll never know How much your words Have meant to me 

I've traveled far To be ignored, I've traveled far To be invisible. These hours alone I recall the days and nights I tried so hard To have my voice heard But the response was silence. I went away But I'm back again Trying to find My place in the spotlight.

  Saturday, March 29, 2025 I went to the library in the town across the river from my community. I listened to a friend of mine read a few of her poems. I was there all day. I had a free sandwich for lunch. I made a zine with some of my poetry. I had my copy of the book "Flamer" signed by the author. I went by CVS on the way home because I received an email with a 2$ extra buck coupon that would have expired tomorrow. I plan to make more zines. I'm considering going back to library tomorrow. But most likely I won't because of the weather. I'm still single...

An island in the stream I'm here to compete, I've got a cock and balls But that doesn't mean I'm not ready to take you in, I can find a place for us Beneath the sun Beneath the moon To collide as I ride you Until the sunrise.

Lights out Let's get together Beneath the covers We can be lovers Of just friends With benefits.

Saturday began with a prayer, A prayer for the unknown, Words like a vow To be better than The fools with their red hats Following their Orange God.

Through all the years of my life I've been told he was the guy, The one to listen to when you Are without hope But why should I listen to such a man Who died with so much wealth While claiming to be Something he never was, Let's get real, He was never so good.

  Friday, March 28, 2025 I went after some free produce this morning. I had breakfast at Dunkin utilizing a promo I earned. I went to Walmart for cat food. I'm going to a D&D program at the library in my community this evening. Tomorrow morning I'm going to a program at the library in the town across the river from my community. I'm working towards getting things done but I'm overwhelmed. I feel uncertain. I feel like I'm forgetting something. I want my first boyfriend soon. I'm tired of being alone and I'm horny. I need someone to share my bed with, someone to share my life with, someone to watch streaming and movies with...

I stepped out onto the porch Rain falling all around, Sound of thunder echoing And the wind blowing through, I feel the change as we take things back, As we save what's left From the orange man, Trying to destroy our home. This country is all I've known  And now it's a dumpster fire.

Hello Goodbye Don't you ever question why? Don't you ever stop somewhere And ask yourself What went wrong? What happened to being free?

I heard the heart ache in your voice As you sang your last song, No time for sorrow They're maybe no tomorrow And it's all we're told As things turn orange. I'm not going to go anywhere But this place is changing too fast Back to a time Before I was born Back to a time before things Began to get better For those once crushed Beneath the weight of oppression.

Out there somewhere is someone I once met But your name doesn't come So easily. I've met some wonderful people In places here and there But I've not yet met The one person I want to know more Than anyone else. I'm waiting for love, I'm not sure if I will ever find him When I've never known true love. It's a mysterious thing, This thing called love.

The pollen covers everything, Bees everywhere, Flowers blooming And I'm barely getting through These long hours Of waiting for someone real.

I've been a stranger in this common land, I cannot stand against that wind, Blowing times back to when Things were not so great For someone like me.

I can't get your name off my lips, I can't get you off of my lips.

A long, long away from here, Across this country, I lived once before In a place by the ocean.

Silent nights Watching the newest show, I won't be here long Times come and times go But I'm here but for a time. I'm watching the times go, These days we've been dreading So long. Silent nights Holding my breath As those in charge Destroy everything And the fires spread And the things we've dreaded Come to pass...

Lost in the trance Of past deeds, I find what feeds My written voice In the words of those Who sing of the pain Of love lost and found.

There was a time I had a dream for my life, Days of watching the clouds Nights watching the stars above, But those times are gone.

I've heard your voice in the dark All of these years, I've listened and I've dreamt Of having a voice like you Someday.

Don't I make you want to do things, I'm living solo Single with a dream Of finding love someday... My heart beats faster While I dream of love found While alone on my bed At night. Don't I make you Want to pull it out And put it inside... My nights alone I'm waiting for you To come inside and find me.

Lights bright, I smoked on the side street, Found myself watching the lights, Colors everywhere. I was high in West Hollywood, I spent so much time there Watching guys walk by me. Times spent watching, Times wanting someone To take me home with him. Music loud, Such a crowd Dancing all around me As I dream of someone Taking me home with him.

Time goes so fast When we're having fun, I look back to those times, I'm feeling those feelings again When I dream of moments gone, I dream of you between my legs, Filling me with your love, I dream of you being close to me. Time goes so fast When you would meet me, We'd spend time together But then you'd leave, Times you were between my legs, Times you filled me...

  Thursday, March 27, 2025 Thursday. Tomorrow is the D&D game night at the library in my community. I'm looking forward to the game. I have no other plans for this month. I keep thinking about having my first boyfriend. It would be great to not be alone so much. I've been writing more poems recently. I did some laundry this morning. I applied to a few job openings today.

  Wednesday, March 26, 2025 It's Wednesday. I'm going to a free lunch today. After the lunch I'm going to Food Lion and CVS. March is also over. I don't know what else I'll do this week. Have you followed my social? Jason29171 

Met them for the short term, Sat with them for the fun times, Never knew their names, Never heard from them again.

Sat alone in an empty room, Summer day alone, Dreaming dreams while awake, Watching movies all day, Waiting for you to take me away. Nothing left to say, Living without love Is the greatest price To pay.

It's me again, Do you remember me? We once met, I was on my back With you between my legs. I pulled you tight, I wanted more of you, I needed more of you  It's me again, I long for someone to Love me true And do me like you did, I need someone to love me And hold me tight to your body.

  Tuesday, March 25, 2005 I went to a disability resource event today. I have more information now. I won a Magic Bullet blender in a raffle today. It was a good day but it was long and sometimes overwhelming. I went by Wendy's on the way home. I had a junior fries and a free frosty. It was one of the new flavors. I liked it. I went by Krispy Kreme for my free 6 regular donuts for my birthday. I'm tired. I was planning on going to more places today but I didn't have the energy to do so. I'm going to a free lunch tomorrow. I'm going to other places tomorrow. I'm very interested in having my first boyfriend. 

A moment in time, Things remind me Of the chance for love Lost to things Out of our control.

Read books with characters who fall in love, What would I know About love I've been single All of my life. I thought love would arrive, I thought I could survive Without a boy to call my own. I watch movies about love, I want what they have, Something I've never had, Is it sad I'm still alone, Never having had a boyfriend?

I woke from a dream, To the rain, And thunder like a scream. You don't know me, I'm not a part of your world, I'm here alone With nothing but dreams. Everything seems wrong, I'm not that strong, And these feelings sound Like a song. Awake I try to shake The feeling of forgetting something I thought I'd remember but now...

  Monday, March 24, 2025 Monday. I had a difficult time sleeping last night. I was planning on going somewhere today until I learned there would be thunderstorms today. I'm planning to go somewhere tomorrow. I don't know what I'm doing today. I have more plans for this week. Be sure to follow my TikTok: Jason29171 

I caught the sunrise after watching the sunset. You could make those hours better With your body next to mine. We could slow time, Listen to our hearts beat. I could have feelings, I could feel you inside, I could feel you fill me With emotions I've never felt before. We could spend the night Watching the stars, On a blanket outside, You holding me tight through the night.

Tonight I sleep alone, I've done it so often, I'm still single  After all of the years Of my life. I'm ready for a boy To ask me out, I'm ready for a boy To ask me to be his... A boyfriend is what I want, A boyfriend is what I need, Please find me where I am And make me yours, Yours for life.

I've been a dreamer all of my life, Imagining things you'd never consider, And here I am pretending to know What is the best way t o get through these days. I'm not expert but I'm willing to learn, I've been waiting for good things to come, But I'm still alone wondering When things went so bad. Find me, find me sad, find me stuck In the sadness from my life. Find me, find me wondering, Find me trying not to be so sad.

  Sunday, March 23, 2025 I made a craft yesterday at the library in my community. I posted images of it on my social. The Pink Pony Club bracelets were delivered yesterday and her CD was delivered today. I'm considering my options. I'd like to consider singing and doing stand-up comedy. I don't know where to start. I'm planning to go somewhere tomorrow and I have other plans for the rest of this week. I plan on writing more. I don't know what else I will do but I want to do more...

I watched out my window Waiting for you to arrive. On my bed you were After some time had passed. I wrapped my legs around you, You felt so good inside... I wanted everything  You had to give me But one night together Was all we ever had... I could have been More than one night But that's all You ever wanted from me.

In the car we sat, A small chat Before we kissed. One time together In a car. I'll never forget you  Or how your mouth felt. I look back often To how you tasted, How you felt In my mouth.

We met a few times years ago, I don't know what became of you But I often wonder What could have been If I knew then what I wanted. I don't know your name, I don't know how I could ever Find you again But I'll sometime wonder What if things were different. I met you when I was uncertain I wish I hadn't been So uncertain But now I'm certain and alone.

  Saturday, March 22, 2025 Saturday. Caturday. I went to the Queer Collective yesterday. I had a conversation with a cute guy. I made a craft which I took some photos of and I plan to post on my social today. I'm going  to a craft program at the library in my community today. The Pink Pony Club bracelets I ordered yesterday are scheduled for delivery today. The Chappell Roan CD is on its way. I'm considering my options. I have several things I want to work on and Chappell Roan has inspired me to not give up on my dreams. "I know I might have never told you about the tears I've shed over these years of my life. I have been made ashamed of being myself all of my life. This year I hope to be free of that prison in my mind and find a spotlight to shine."

  Friday, March 21, 2025 I just ordered the Chappell Roan CD and a pink pony club bracelet with stickers combo. I've been writing poems again and Chappell Roan was my inspiration for my return to writing poems each day. She is such an inspiration to me and I would love to tell her thanks for her songs and improving my mood. I would like to talk to her about creativity and life because I'm certain she would have so many amazing things to say. I'm attending the Queer Collective this evening. I was planning on going to other places today but I haven't had the energy or motivation to go anywhere. I'm hoping to get myself to do more but there are so many days that I could remain in bed. I need to get my computers working. I need to spend more time on my writing and photography and video. I don't know what I'm doing but I want to do more than sit alone all of the time...

Last night I was alone again, Watching another show on streaming, Trying to stay awake But my dreams keep pulling me. I've lived so much of my life In that place of dreams Surround by people So real but when I wake They fade like all of the things Of my dreams, No more time for dreaming When I have so much Life to live.

Starting my day late, Coffee and Welch's Grape, Dreaming of a life I've dreamt of So many years  it's a part of my everyday routine. I've been places I want to be again But I'm trapped in the middle of nowhere Watching my life drift Like a small boat lost at sea, No shore in sight But I keep dreaming of A paradise to call home.

Lost in the seconds lost to time, I remember those I've met  And the times we shared. I cared too much But was too afraid to commit. I've wanted someone to share life with But I never thought I could be One of those who find love When I've been told For so long My kind of love is wrong. I don't need you're approval now, I'll love whoever I want to love.

  Thursday, March 20, 2025 It's been raining today but I'm planning to go to Rita's ice for a free ice. I'm planning to go sometime around 3PM. I'm going to the Queer Collective tomorrow evening. I'm attending a craft program at the library in my community this Saturday. I'm trying to get through each day. I posted new poems this morning. I'm uncertain about everything...

  Wednesday, March 19, 2025 I had to take a nap today because I kept waking up last night. I have started to write poems again.  I'm considering going somewhere tomorrow. I hope to find my first boyfriend and my first career but I don't know if I'll ever have these things. I'm planning to go to the Queer Collective Friday evening. There's a craft program at the library in my community on Saturday.

I've been places I wish I could be again  But I'm here alone Dreaming of better days. I traveled so far to chase dreams But these dreams never realized  So I came here to live  Because I had no where else to go. I've dreamt so often of a life Different from these hours Scrolling through my social I never give up but I never Have the motivation To chase those dreams Like I chased them before...

Here I am alone dreaming of a boy I once knew in ways I've only known a few other guys. I recall those moments we shared, I cared so much for you but you never felt the same way. Kissed you on your lips, held every inch of you, loved you as you were but you said no and I went on my way through life always wondering what if that one time things had been different...

Day of the day after my birthday, I think of dreams that never went away but they never flourished when all I've ever known was the doubt I've carried with me wherever I went searching for something better only to find myself looking in another dirty mirror wondering how I ended up alone again.

I'm aware of the things I've said before but I don't recall giving you permission to quote me each time you find faults in my daily life. I'm not superior to anyone but I am smarter than most but I've never been given a chance to shine because you're afraid of how I'd become if not trapped by your lies.

  Tuesday, March 18th, 2025 [Sometimes I imagine my life if things hadn't been so difficult, If I hadn't been so different. It's amazing to find the times gone are the times You would Groundhog Day if you could. I came across a moment on Google Street, Before everything changed  And if I could I would hug the you from that moment in time Or forever live in that moment with you Before things became more complicated  Than I ever imagined life could become..." Tuesday and I'm feeling tired. I feel the weight of decisions to be made,  decisions I postpone because I'm afraid of what those decisions will mean and the changes they will bring to my life. I went to a few places yesterday and this morning I had a strange dream. I'm so uncertain about everything but listening to Chappell Roan I feel somewhat inspired. I think Chappell is such an amazing person.  I'm planning on attending a coloring program at the library in my community this evening. I have plans ...

  Monday, March 17, 2025 Saint Patrick's Day I went to a few places today. I had a free Rita's ice, Skittles flavor, ice for my birthday. I went to Kroger to buy something that I was sent a Kroger gift card to buy. I went by Panera Bread for a free cookie for my birthday and 5$ off a sandwich. I went by another sandwich shop for a free sandwich for my birthday. I also went by Smoothie King for a $2 Smoothie for my birthday. I was up late watching music videos on YouTube and videos about Chappell Roan. I would like to meet her. I'm tired. It's been a long day. There's things I want to do but I don't have the money.

  Sunday, March 16, 2025 There were thunderstorms this morning so I'm still in bed. I plan to get out of bed shortly. Last night I attended the Queer Game Night and I received a couple of gifts for my birthday. I don't know what I'm doing today and I need to check my calendar for the rest of this week. I'm uncertain of everything. I'm anxious about changes to my life. I wonder if I'll ever have my first boyfriend or my first career.

  Saturday, March 15, 2025 It's my birthday. I'm still in bed. I had a strange dream. I was telling someone how dark it was outside despite being so late in the morning. Then there was a part of my dream in which it was dark and I was looking down a long street. It looked like lightning towards the other end of the street and suddenly a big round street light was lit by a bunch of workers who moved it into place. I feel like having someone next to me. I feel like having a boyfriend so I wouldn't have to be in this bed alone. Earlier I thought about having a boyfriend and him being here on top of me and inside me. He would kiss me on the lips and kiss my neck while I wrapped my legs around him. I miss that physical touch. I need a boyfriend. I didn't get the job at Funko. They didn't even interview me. I don't think I'll ever buy another Funko product. Now, I wish I hadn't bought all of the ones I've bought. I didn't get the job at the Lego store ...

  Friday, March 14, 2025 Friday. Tomorrow is my birthday.  I'm feeling anxious and tired.  I'm going to the Autism program today. Tomorrow I'm going to the Queer Game Night. I'm also going to Starbucks tomorrow for my free birthday beverage. I have no idea what I'm doing. I hope something works out. I want a boyfriend, my first boyfriend, but I doubt I'll ever have a boyfriend. I also doubt I will ever have my first career. I doubt so much. I'm leaving for the Autism program soon and I feel uncertain about everything.

  Thursday, March 13, 2025 Thursday. Tomorrow, I'm going to the Autism program at the library in the town across the river from my community. Saturday I'm going to the Queer Game Night and Starbucks for my free birthday item. I don't know what else I'll do today and the rest of this week.

  Wednesday, March 12, 2025 I'm tired and overwhelmed. I went to Walmart and I had trouble buying 2 items because of a coupon. I went by Taco Bell for a free frozen Baja Blast for my birthday. It took so long to get one beverage. After Walmart I went to circle K and had trouble redeeming a promotion. I came home and my phone died. I'm going somewhere this evening. I have plans for Friday and Saturday. Friday is the Autistic program at the library in the small town across the river from the community I live. Saturday is the Queer Game Night. I feel like going to bed. I need to go through my stuff and downsize. I need a place to live. I need an income. I have no idea what I'm going to do. This country is getting worse. I don't understand why people voted for such a horrible person.

  Tuesday, March 11, 2025 Tuesday.  Yesterday I  had a long walk to the center. On the way I picked up 2 free chicken sandwiches. I didn't have much to eat prior to leaving and I hadn't had much to drink so by the time I reached the center I wasn't feeling well. It took over 2 hours each way to walk to the center. I haven't done much today.  I'm planning to go somewhere tomorrow. I have plans for Friday and Saturday.  My birthday is Saturday.

  Monday, March 10, 2025 Monday. I'm going out for lunch in a few minutes. I'm going to the center this evening for a D&D program. I have plans for Friday and Saturday. Saturday is my birthday. I'm trying to figure things out. I'm trying to find a source of income. This morning I applied to a photographer position at Funko. Yesterday I posted asking for help finding work and I had a bunch of scammers wanting to connect. I applied to a job at the Lego store at the mall in schaumburg ILLINOIS. I would love to work for either Funko or Lego. I have so many Funko figures. I have several Lego kits and I'd have more Lego if I could afford it and had the space for them. I don't know what I'm going to do but I hope that things will work out...

  Sunday, March 09, 2025 I stayed in bed later today. I tried to play Minecraft today but it keeps saying I don't have enough memory. I don't know what to do to fix this. I'm overwhelmed and I don't know what to do. I'm planning to go somewhere tomorrow. I have plans for Friday and Saturday. My birthday is March 15th. I'm uncertain what to do. I don't feel like doing anything but there's so much I want to do.

  Saturday, March 08, 2025 I'm tired. I've been awake since 6 AM. I went to the museum for the disability pride day. There were a bunch of organizations with information.  I went by afterwards for a free lunch. I played bingo but I didn't win. I came home and took a nap. I'm watching the recent episode of The Pitt. I'm going to watch the new episode of The White Lotus next, I don't have plans tomorrow but I have plans for the rest of next week.  I hope that things will get better for me soon.

  Friday, March 07, 2025 Friday. I walked to what I thought was an event today but it turned out I had the wrong date. I have no idea when it will take place but I'm not going to worry about it.   Tomorrow morning I'm to the museum near the town across the river from my community. I'm planning to go by for a free lunch afterwards. I'm tired. I don't know what to do but I feel like doing nothing.

  Thursday, March 06, 2025 I'm tired. I went to sleep late yesterday because I watched the newest episode of The Pit and White Lotus. It was sometime after 2. I woke up early to complete my daily sweepstakes and instant win games. I'm going to a couple of places on Saturday. I have plans next week but I don't know what they are since I haven't thought about next week yet. I keep thinking about my future. I constantly think about my past. I dream about how things could have been and how things could become. I want to have my first boyfriend. I don't want to have sex with random guys especially old men. I need to go through all of my stuff get rid of things. I hope to be able to sell some of these things. If I had money I know what I'd do but I don't have money so I don't know what I'm doing. My birthday is March 15th. Please consider helping me.

  Wednesday, March 05, 2025 Wednesday. Rain. Wind. Tornado warning. I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Someone is taking me to pick up some produce today. I don't know what else I'm doing today. I plan to begin going through my stuff and getting rid of things. I need to sell whatever I can to raise funds for my future. I have ideas for things I'd like to do if I had the money. I'm considering plans for tomorrow morning. I have plans for Saturday. I think I'll need to take a nap sometime today. I feel like I'm waiting for the unknown to happen. I feel tired and anxious. I would like to have a career and my first boyfriend. I don't believe I'll ever have either one. I played bingo yesterday and I won a candle warmer which I traded the person across from me for a candle. I picked up my free sandwich on the way home but I had to get a ride because the chain on my bicycle kept coming off. The person who picked me up took the bike to a shop to...

  Tuesday, March 04, 2025 Tuesday. I have a meeting at the library in my community today and then I'm playing Mardi Gra Bingo at the library. I'm going to a sandwich shop for a free sandwich afterwards. It's difficult seeing the US turning into a dictatorship with the worst people possible in charge. Things were never perfect but now things are horrible. Tomorrow I'm going after some produce. I am considering going to the classic movie program at the library in my community on Thursday. I have plans for Saturday morning. I haven't looked at next week yet. I've completed my daily sweepstakes and instant win games for the day.  I'm uncertain about what will happen next.  I'm anxious about the future. I'm nervous about what to do. I'm uncertain if anyone reads my blog.

  Monday, March 03, 2025 I attended the dinner at the center yesterday. Today I'm staying home. Tomorrow I'm going to a Mardi Gra Bingo at the library in my community. I have more plans for this week. My birthday is March 15th. I'm wondering how I'll get through the rest of the year and the next 3 years. I'm wondering how I'm going to do anything.  I'm uncertain about everything and most of the time I don't feel like doing anything. I want to do much but then I wonder why should I do anything. I want a boyfriend. If you want to be my boyfriend please get to know me by spending time with me.  I want to travel and go camping and go on road trips. I need a boyfriend to show me places. MONDAY. March 03. 2025.

  Sunday, March 02, 2025 Sunday. I'm going to a dinner at the center this evening. Last night I attended the Queer Game Night. The person who hosts the game night gave me a vase of flowers and a card. I went to bed late last night. I have plans this week. I'm planning to go through my stuff and get ready as though I'm moving so I'm more ready for when I'll have to move. I don't know where I'll move because I don't know where I'll go. I met someone last night who I plan on playing video games with soon. These days don't feel real.  I feel uncertain about everything. I feel like going back to bed. I also want to go to the dinner this evening...

  Saturday, March 01, 2025 Saturday. It doesn't feel real.  I went to a program at the library in my community.  There were cupcakes and brownies and popcorn. I went by Tropical Smoothie Cafe on the way home and redeemed the T-mobile Tuesday reward. I'm going to the Queer Game Night this evening. Tomorrow evening I'm planning to attend the dinner. I'm on the Archer dating app but I don't think anything will result from it. I wish that I a boyfriend who would take me on road trips and vacations. I'd like to go camping. I want sex again but only if it's in a relationship. I've considered meeting guys for sex alone but I don't think I could do that again. If someone were attracted to me I'd like to know. You would have to tell me because I won't pick up on anything subtle. I'm uncertain about this year and my future. I have more plans for next week starting tomorrow...